pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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