I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
