no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
