Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
