Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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