I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
