you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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