No stitches, just platelets and will power
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
