Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
