he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
