My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
