My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
