I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
