Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
