Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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