Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
