from now on my penis is your penis
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
