brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
