i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
