why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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