Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
