I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
