Who did Billy Mays play for?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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