Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
