ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
