You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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