The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
