matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
