I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
