I've blown a few things in my day
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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