All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
