Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
