I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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