someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
