I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Come on in and take your pants off
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