Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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