nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
