Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
