I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
