dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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