So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
