Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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