Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
