In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
