So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
