Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
