You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
