I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I FOUND THE LEGS
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
