Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
