a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
