I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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